The Disney Love:
It was that perfect kind of relationship – at least so it seemed. First, it was magic. The first time he kissed me fireworks were exploding in an atmosphere of mad new years eve celebrations and Berlin was lying in front of my feet. We started going out every night. We were laughing. We were kissing. I was meeting all of his friends and I loved them just as much as they adored me. Everything was so much fun together. We started watching „Veronica Mars“ and „Big Bang Theory“. We read together. He even read out loud for me just to see me fall asleep. I was coming to his rehearsals, was listening to him play, encouraged him, that he could do better. After that, we went out even more. Every night was spent together. Every minute. We started to never be apart. We became an item.
First, we moved in together. Then we started fighting – sometimes. I started to cry – sometimes. He closed up and then we fought again. I was still coming to the rehearsals, still encouraging him to do more, by that time he didn’t listen. A little later he didn’t care as well. I started hating his friends collectively and they could feel it. So they started to hate me as well. He got depressed. He was spending all of the time in his room smoking, playing the bass, playing some dumb computer games and watching series all by himself. I continued going out – but at that time I was going out by myself. The relationship slowly started to get toxic.
Slowly, the separate lives began and with that, the item began to fall into pieces.I was almost never home and even if I had the chance to stay in, I never did. I was always on the move, going out, meeting new people and spending time with my friends. When I had the chance to spend the night over at my best friend, I usually did. Coming home to a person lying in the bed sleeping, felt like nothing. The bed could also be empty, I wouldn’t know the difference.
No Happy Ending:
Nobody wants to admit something goes wrong. Nobody wants to admit that one changes, one makes a mistake or one is just not the same person he used to be three years ago. It felt so good at the beginning, why does it feel so bad now? The separation takes forever. You split, you get together only to split up again. Hurting yourself and hurting the other person. No clear cut ever comes out of this. Why not? I guess because people are afraid of a change, afraid of making a mistake, afraid of looking forward and not look back.
And then suddenly you are free. At first, you feel a little empty, like there is no one who could understand or who could listen. After some time, you start to feel the difference. You start to see finally what is in front of you and to remember things exactly like they were. Happy – beautiful – but just not right!
I am definitely not better at this and I do the same mistakes over and over. On the other hand, how boring would a life be without that never-ending process of developing character, strength and your own mind?