I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting on the balcony of my one-room-apartment in the middle of a city called Cologne. I quitted smoking a few weeks ago, so I was just sitting there , staring at the gray blocks of houses in front of me, that represented my so called beautiful city view. I could feel it. Cologne was over. There was nothing left for me there. I knew I wanted to quit my studies already for a few month, I just couldn’t admit it to someone yet. I also knew that my parents would be so angry if I just moved away. Left them, without finishing university or having a degree. Otherwise, there will be so much disappointment – and I really didn’t want to have that. I also knew that studying literature at that point was just not right for me. So what I did was, I went back to my room and dialed the number of a good friend of mine, that with time passing became my best friend and then my worst enemy. But that story I’ll tell you maybe later.
One week later was Valentine’s day. I was standing at the main train station of Cologne with my luggage. The biggest one I had. It was a shiny red so when you looked at it, it felt a little like your eyes were having a heart attack. And the size reached up to my breasts. Once I even fit myself into that suitcase. But it was not that case today. I packed all my warm stuff, took all the money I had and left the keys to my apartment to my ex-boyfriend, who even brought me to the train station. He looked at me like he knew it was definitely over, with me moving and not coming back. With us, it was already over, long before that valentines day. I told him just like everyone else that it’s just temporary, only because I didn’t want to see anyone being upset or even worst – sad. But in fact, I think I probably didn’t know myself I would stay there so at that point I actually wasn’t lying. He shook his head and looked up again, his eyes were telling me that he knew I wouldn’t come back and in the end he was right – I didn’t.
Berlin is just a 4,5 hours drive from Cologne but it felt like forever. While we were passing, with a speed of 200 km/h, fields filled with snow and ice, I couldn’t help but feel alive, excited and most of all afraid. Planning was never my strongest quality but this time, even I overdid myself. The plan was , that I had no idea what I was doing, probably like 99% of the people that are moving to this city.
Berlins main station is a good metaphor for the city itself. It’s big, confusing and always cold. I arrived at my friends place a little later and her flatmate opened the door. He was very big, kind of thin and very, very, very stoned – all the time. I knew him already from the past few month when I used to come to Berlin every second weekend to avoid Cologne and the people living there. He smiled at me and welcomed me with the most famous quote after „Ich bin ein Berliner“ from Kennedy.
– Du bist verrückt mein Kind, du musst nach Berlin –
We both laughed and he brought my suitcase to the room of my friend. She was working until midnight, so I was alone. I left the unbelievable heavy luggage standing there, in the middle of the room and throw myself into the soft and empty bed. I still couldn’t believe I was in Berlin. But this was not a problem of that day. That day we would drink and celebrate.
After a short time, I found myself an internship at a small company making contributions to a famous german show called „Galileo“. That was the first step for getting used to the city. We were running around the city, in the darkest corners filming, making jokes , eating and before I knew it, I was living in the room next to ( lets call her Juju ) Juju because her other flatmate left the room empty for 3 month, I started seeing a guy, and we were going out every night because the guys band were kind of pretty cool dudes. At least that’s what I thought that time. Of course, we told everybody it’s just a thing, temporary, nothing serious but we were definitely spending to much of our time together.
After two months working for that company, the spring finally took an afford and started spreading around. That day my boss came up to me, gave me a helmet and told me to jump up on the seat of his motorcycle. Driving 80 km/h down the Frankfurter Allee, with the sun shining and my bare legs catching the warm wind of the spring I finally understood, that exactly in that moment my heart moved to Berlin.